And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
