I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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