Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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