it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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