Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
