I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Also, beer. Big fan.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
