my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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