did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
being pregnant is like rehab
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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