haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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