I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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