is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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