I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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