a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
