I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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