Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
