I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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