Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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