so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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