Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
