piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
She has the best kind of daddy issues
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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