i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
