respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
