Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I need to sanitize my soul.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
