I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
