am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
