I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
