My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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