I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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