I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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