it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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