How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Randomize
