Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
