the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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