legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
