she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
he was CRYING into my vagina
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
