I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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