I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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