well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
