If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
