I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
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