Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
