Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
