is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
