I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
