My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
