Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
