"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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