the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
