the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
