Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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