Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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