Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
