i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
