i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
