I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
