I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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