Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
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